i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
