omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
