So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
