Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
