lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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