That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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