When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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