Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
