I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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