TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize