I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
