haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
