Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
