p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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