I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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