This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
