She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
