I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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