I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
wanna go halves on a baby?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
