Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
