at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
