There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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