I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
