woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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