Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
