K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
