I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
