It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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