a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize