you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
