were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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