Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
