it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
