I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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