you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
