I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
