when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
