I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
