he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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