tell your sister to shave her snatch
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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