Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
