3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize