i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
