i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
