My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize