this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
