All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
