can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize