Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think people are normalizing furries
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
