Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
