Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
