cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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