I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just tell him i said nine months
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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