You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
