i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
