my vag is so smooth its legendary
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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