I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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