Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
