Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
