My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Welp...herpes.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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