you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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