he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
