sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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