if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
