Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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