We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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