"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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