Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They have beer where we have blood.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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