There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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